Before online shopping crushed them into ghost towns, malls were king in the 80s and 90s.
Growing up, our local shopping center was practically my babysitter.
But while I remember the occasional shoplifter getting chased from a department store, I don’t recall a crime problem.
Yet in the world of Chopping Mall, Park Plaza shopping center is a holy temple that needs guarding at night.
They’ve just installed a state-of-the-art security system. Giant metal doors will lock up the place in the evening, and three non-lethal high-tech robots will intercept the intruders.
But if you read the title, you know that “non-lethal” won’t last.
A 1986 B-movie horror film produced by Julie Corman, Chopping Mall contains no slicing. A more appropriate name could be “chopping film.”
After disappointing audiences in test screenings, 19 minutes were cut, knocking the film down to a measly 76-minute runtime (and the original title, Killbots, was changed).
But after a home video release, this picture generated a cult following.
And you can find plenty of fans online who praise its enjoyable tone and see it as a subtle critique of the consumerism of America in the mall-as-mecha period.
Did Chopping Mall carve itself into a mighty fine watch by being unintentionally terrible or quietly genius?
Time to find out.
So is Chopping Mall a good movie?
The Plot of Chopping Mall:
Just after the debut of a new state-of-the-art security system, including three robots known as Protector 1, 2, and 3, a lightning storm outside Park Plaza Mall strikes the building.
The electrical jolt scrambles the robots’ computer controls, and the formerly nonlethal protectors malfunction, killing their supervisors.
Meanwhile, younglings hide out in the mall after hours to party together. The group includes Allison Parks (Kelli Maroney), Ferdy Meisel (Tony O’Dell), Suzie Lynn (Barbara Crampton), Greg Williams (Nick Segal), Rick Stanton (Russell Todd), Linda Stanton (Karrie Emerson), Mike Brennan (John Terlesky), and Leslie Todd (Suzee Slater).
Free of supervision, the now death-thirsty robots set out on patrol, leading them to a fatal game of cat and mouse with the gang of young adults.
Can the kids survive the night?
The Main Cast Includes:
- Paul Bartel as Paul Bland
- Mary Woronov as Mary Bland
- Angela Aames as Miss Vanders
- Dick Miller as Walter Paisley
- Arthur Roberts as Mr. Todd
- Paul Coufos as Dr. Stan Simon
- Gerrit Graham as Nessler, The Technician
- Lawrence Guy as Dr. Carrington
- Toni Naples as Lead Bathing Beauty
- Mel Welles as Cook
- Jim Wynorski as Killbots (voice)
- Lenny Juliano as Burglar In Training Film
- Rodney Eastman as Shoplifter (uncredited)
- Robert Greenberg as “More Butter!” Customer
Fun Fact: This picture was filmed at the Sherman Oaks Galleria, the same mall used in Fast Times at Ridgemont Highand Schwarzenegger’s film Commando.
What’s Working Well Here:
Robocoppers? + 1 Point
The film’s opening sequence effectively introduces the mechanical movie monsters.
We watch as a jewel thief is foiled by a protector robot.
Then we cut to a rolling film camera. We’ve been watching a promotional video from Secure-Tronics.
Now in a large open area of the Park Plaza Mall, the presentation continues, with skeptical shop owners rolling their eyes at the tech or asking questions about its safety.
Dr. Stan Simon assures the audience while letting the viewer know trouble awaits with, “Trust me: Absolutely nothing can go wrong.”
It’s a cinematically strong, crisp ~5 minutes that could hint at a larger theme.
It has shades of Robocop’s Omni Consumer Products (OCP), which haphazardly take on safety and policing in the name of profit.
Killer Robots? +2 Points
The protector robots are more bumbling than menacing.
They look like Johnny 5 of Short Circuit’s clunky, uptight uncles (interestingly, that film was released just a few weeks after Chopping Mall).
Like fat monitor lizards with tank treads, they zig and zag their heads horizontally, scanning back and forth for prey.
They have thin black claw hands, always raised straight up as they motor forward like gleefully riding an invisible roller coaster.
And you have to wonder how their “non-lethal” design passed inspection down at Secure-Tronics. It’s one thing for the robots to suddenly develop killing tactics, but they inexplicably bust out laser cannons.
The sight of the teenagers screaming in terror or running for their lives as the protectors clasp and unclasp their thin robot hands is more comical than scary.
Their top speed looks about 2 miles an hour, and they’re horrible shots.
Phantom of the Mall Soundtrack, +1 Point
Chuck Cirino’s synth soundtrack is an unexpected delight.
Blasting with electric bass, clicky hi-hat symbols, and wonky piano and organ riffs, it’s more PG Halloween sounds than horrific brooding slasher fare.
Lively and mischievous, it sounds like someone is under the gun to solve a Rubik’s Cube rather than escape killer bots.
Check out track one on your music streaming service, and you’ll stay for the rest (the playfulness comes to life at ~2:30).
Opening Our Time Capsule, +1 Point
After the opening scene, we get a pretty kickass montage showing how badass the mall is to hang out in, a hodgepodge of everything you’d stereotype the 80s for now.
Pink-and-denim-clad teenagers crowd into elevators. Kids with towering ice cream cones smother their faces and stain their white tees with melted chocolate. A waitress struggles to balance a heavy tray loaded with hot dogs and oversized sodas.
It’s color-popping consumerism-a-go-go.
A Heroic Turn – and One for the Ladies Too, +1 Point
Many characters in horror movies scurry around just trying to survive.
Here both the male and female characters take action, arming themselves by raiding the sporting goods store for guns (cleverly named Peckinpah’s) and the automotive shop for makeshift Molotov cocktails.
What’s Not Working So Well:
Where’s My Funny Mayhem? -2 Points
**Spoiler Alerts Here**
Ok. I burst into laughter when Rick rides on a maintenance cart in a hyper-slow kamikaze crash to ram one of the robots to death, avenging his fallen love, Linda.
But the rest of the movie doesn’t dispatch the overly horny teens with enough novelty, glee, or any spine-tingling terror.
It’s definitely not John Carpenter’s scary 80s stuff here. And while some think it’s inept and unintentionally funny, I wasn’t on board.
Ultimately, their plight against the robots is dull to sit through.
What’s Our Exit Strategy? – 1 Point
This is a horror/slasher movie setup where the game is staying alive, and I get that.
But horror isn’t mindless. Usually, these films still have a quirk or capture-the-flag-style endpoint the characters can work toward.
Think banding criminals and Christian families together to make it to daylight In From Dusk ‘Till Dawn or outwitting death in Final Destination. Those bonds and events force the characters into action and reveal more about them, making them compelling.
Toward the end, some characters reason they should try reaching the control room. They occasionally devise an idea to distract or kill off a protector robot.
But most of this film feels an aimless chase, not working toward a climax. It’s a missed opportunity, as a solid end-game objective would elevate the hijinx.
Is this a Satire? – 0 Points
Something I wanted to discuss: Some have called this a veiled 80s satire like George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (also in a mall).
But I don’t think so. And if it is, it doesn’t execute it well enough to matter.
If it was a critique, a corporate lesson could be learned by bringing employees of Secure-Tronics, the robot makers, back into the film. They could be ambivalent or remorseful about the havoc their creations unleashed.
That or we would need some symbolism in the kills, such as being slain while trying to loot a store because it’s irresistible, literally dying for fashion.
I won’t deduct points on this, as it is fine with me if the movie does or doesn’t have a satirical slant.
Should I Watch Chopping Mall?
Total Score: 3 Points
Chopping Mall has the makings of an enjoyable, so-bad-it’s-good 80s horror B-movie, peppered with a delightful soundtrack.
But it doesn’t execute or fail to execute enough to stand out.
The robots are wacky, but the movie lacks the silly kills or over-the-top moments needed.
And if it was headed for a consumerism satire, it missed the skewer.
I concede it’s a ridiculous film, and humor can be subjective. Some will disagree with me and enjoy this brand of robotic larks in a neon mall.
While I didn’t, you might find gold here if you are fond of 80s teenage slasher horror done poorly.
And you can watch the entire movie for free on YouTube through Shout! Studios (though I think there’s some censoring involved).
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Disclaimer:
This review’s factual information was gathered through online sources, like Wikipedia, IMDB, or interviews. Misrepresentations and errors are possible but unintentional.
Making art is hard. This is a fan’s blog. Any criticisms are meant to be constructive.
