Through directors like John Hughes, 80s teen movies became pop culture forever canon.
These optimistic movies sorted teens into nice-n-neat stereotypes and brought their angst to happy conclusions.
Emotional jocks, high-achieving nerds, and the under-pressure popular find common ground in The Breakfast Club; the poor but attractive girl next door wins the dreamy older rich male in Pretty in Pink.
But that’s not how high school works. Somebody needed to give these feel-good vibes a sucker punch.
Enter screenwriter Daniel Waters’s Heathers, a cynical, dark satire of the 80s teen genre.
Heathers isn’t a good-natured or raunchy spoof film getting a few needles in.
This is a semi-surreal high school experience where accidental murders plague its sweet protagonist and teen suicide gets trendy.
But only some were keen on the joke.
The film disappointed the box office, making back ~$1 million of its $~3 million budget.
But like many brave films, it hit the video market and found a fanbase that continues today.
So is Heathers a good movie?
The Plot of Heathers:
Westerburg High School student Veronica Sawyer (Winona Ryder) has three frenemies and just one name to call them: Heather.
A member of the most popular clique at school, Veronica follows the orders of its leader, Heather Chandler (Kim Walker), whether she likes them or not. Two other members, Heathers Duke (Shannen Doherty) and McNamara (Lisanne Falk), fill out the numbers.
Missing her old friends and less-popular life, Veronica is ready to ditch the Heathers.
And when she starts a romance with the mysterious Jason “J.D.” Dean (Christian Slater), he offers her a sadistic way out.
When Veronica tries to prank Heather Chandler with a baloney hangover cure, J.D. knowingly causes a mixup, swapping Veronica’s milk and orange juice concoction for drain cleaner.
Veronica unknowingly delivers the poison to Heather Chandler, who drinks it and promptly dies.
Shocked at Heather Chandler’s death and fearing the consequences, J.D. convinces Veronica to cover it up as a suicide. Veronica writes a goodbye note in Heather Chandler’s handwriting.
As J.D. and Veronica’s relationship continues, more murders pile up, and suicide trends among Westerburg’s teens.
The Rest of the Main Cast Includes:
- Penelope Milford as Pauline Fleming
- Glenn Shadix as Father Ripper
- Lance Fenton as Kurt Kelly
- Patrick Labyorteaux as Ram Sweeney
- Jeremy Applegate as Peter Dawson
- Renee Estevez as Betty Finn
- Carrie Lynn as Martha “Dumptruck” Dunnstock
- John Ingle as Principal Gowan
- Kirk Scott as Big Bud Dean
- William Cort as Veronica’s Dad
- Jennifer Rhodes as Veronica’s Mom
Fun Fact: Screenwriter Daniel Waters is the brother of Mark Waters, director of teen genre classic Mean Girls. Making celebrated teen films must be a DNA thing.
The Good Things:
Surreal Tone, +4 Points
From the cinematography, props, and down to the dialogue, this film operates on a skewed frequency.
We don’t go full Log Lady from Twin Peaks, but the movie dances to an offbeat.
The colors are bright and saturated, like the vibrant red flowers in Heather Chandler’s funeral scene.
Veronica wears an old-timey monocle when she writes in her diary. It connects the audience to her wise-beyond-her-years, self-reflective persona.
In the opening scene (more on that in a bit), there’s a floating, otherworldly score and a bit of slow-motion as Heather McNamara plants a note on Heather Dumptruck’s tray.
And J.D. and his father, Big Bud, have an awkward dynamic where they converse in reverse.
Big Bud knocks at J.D.’s door and says, “Hey, Pop, I need some help with my homework.” J.D. replies, “Not right now, Tiger. I’m a little busy.”
The continuity holds together, as this collective oddness adds up to just Heathers.
How’s That for Introductions, +2 Points
The opening scenes glide at full storytelling quality, revealing information without heavy-handedness.
The film starts with Veronica’s dream. To a swooning, nostalgic song about young innocence, we see the tying of Heather Chandler’s all-powerful, symbolic red scrunchie.
And we zoom out to see we’re in a grandiose garden, the three Heathers like young royalty in colorful tights. They whack a croquet ball at Veronica’s head, buried in the grass.
It shows us everything about the dynamics of the group.
And we go straight to the cafeteria scene, the ferocious jungle of teen dynamics.
We’re introduced to punching bag Martha Dumptruck, the lewd jocks Kurt and Ram, and quiet J.D., who is clearly staring at Veronica.
And in writing a prank love note delivered to Martha, we learn about Veronica’s talent for forging handwriting and her reluctance to prey on people.
By six minutes into the film, the audience understands everything about the playing field. It’s an impressive piece of writing and cinematography.
Fun Fact: The cafeteria scene is an homage to Full Metal Jacket’s boot camp, as Waters wrote the script hoping Stanley Kubrick would direct.
Dialogue to Die For, +4 Points
Westerburg High School is a snarky shark pit only the sharp-tongued can navigate.
Rather than nuanced power plays or social strategizing, all the bite and harsh feelings of high school politics come roaring unfiltered from these teens’ mouths.
And Waters created original slang so the film could last generations. The movie sounds 80s but in a timeless way.
Things can be “very” (which seems a precursor to “extra” of today), and characters constantly ask, “What’s your damage?”
And all the Heathers call each other “Heather” instead of their last names or add last letters so they can be told apart, a choice that adds to the brattiness.
Dark Jokes Done Well, +6 Points
**Minor Spoilers Here**
This film’s jokes reveal human beings at their most raw.
The funeral scene where people pray next to a dead Heather and we hear their thoughts is outrageous.
Ram can only lament that God killed “such a hot piece of snatch.” All Peter can do is pray that suicide never happens to him as he’d be unable to take it and for fast acceptance to an Ivy League school. Heather Duke thanks God for answering her prayers. Veronica doesn’t want to deal with the responsibility of having a hand in Heather Chandler’s death.
And then there’s the savage meeting of Principal Gowan and the teachers debating whether to dismiss the students early because of Heather Chandler’s suicide.
Hippie Ms. Fleming begs them to “revel in this revealing moment,” hoping to have a talk-and-feel session on embracing the tragedy. She’s promptly shut down with eye rolls, and Principal Gowan asks her to “let him know when the shuttle lands.”
And Principal Gowan is disappointed to find out it’s not Heather McNamara that died, declaring he’d be happy to go half a day for a cheerleader.
It’s hilarious yet hints at a poignant commentary: These adults dismiss or flat-out don’t understand teens.
The Not-as-Good Things:
Endings to Please Executives, -1 Point
**Heavy Spoiler Alerts Here**
The original script ended the film with J.D. blowing up the school and all its students with it, followed by a prom in the afterlife.
But before agreeing to finance the film, New World Pictures executives wanted a change.
Other endings were written, some of them dark. But we ended up with Veronica thwarting J.D. and offering to get together with Martha Dumptruck for popcorn and movies.
It’s an OK ending, as Veronica resolves her conflict with the Heathers. With her slate now wiped clean, she can go about her wishes of connecting with those lower on the high school food chain.
But while it doesn’t ruin the film, it feels like a missed opportunity. Unlike the rest of the movie, there’s too much feel-good spin here.
School Violence Doesn’t Age Well, -0 Points
**Spoiler Alerts Here**
Oh boy. Back in 1989, you could release a movie where a white male with mental issues wears a long coat, fires a gun full of blanks at bullies, plots to murder and does murder classmates, and attempts to blow up the school.
It’s not a film that revels in violence, as the deaths only serve the plot.
But the school shooting associations in the post-Columbine and Sandy Hook era (as well as many other tragedies) feel uncomfortable.
I didn’t think a studio around would dare to green-light this movie now, though it has gone on to become a musical and TV series remake.
No points deduction here, but just an observation and a warning that this subject matter can get uncomfortable in our time.
Go Watch Heathers
Total Arbitrary Points Score: 15 Points
Heathers is a high school dark comedy masterpiece. It’s a swirling middle finger to a genre known for placating teenage angst.
Its surreal tone and outlandish jokes will have your jaw on the floor. And it’s a masterclass in dialogue.
Unappreciated on its release, rumor has it the film connected with college audiences over current high schoolers.
This makes sense as Heathers is a teen movie for adults – an ideal film for bitter graduates, able to look back with a mature and jaded perspective.
The scenes depicting school violence can get uncomfortable today, and it was nudged out of its original surreal ending.
But like many brave films that struggle to find an audience, Heathers is now a classic.
So if you haven’t seen it yet, what’s your damage?
And for more films written by Daniel Waters, check out my review for Batman Returns.
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Disclaimer:
This review’s factual information was gathered through online sources, like Wikipedia, IMDB, or interviews. Misrepresentations and errors are possible but unintentional.
Making art is hard. This is a fan’s blog. Any criticisms are meant to be constructive.
