If you rip off three cult classics, can you make your own?
According to some, yes.
With 1990: The Bronx Warriors, director Enzo G. Castellari makes a ratatouille from fan favorites The Warriors, Escape From New York, and Mad Max 2 (aka The Road Warrior).
But Mr. Castellari has tossed this low-budget picture’s cult staples with his production’s ingredients.
Like an Italian-made Sword and Sorcery movie from Mars, it features:
-a giant spiked elbow pad
-two blades that fold out on the front fork of a motorcycle for ride-by-cuttings
-a whip-wielding Dominatrix henchwoman
-a shotgun concealed by a mail tube
-a rollerskating gang
-authoritarian police on horseback with flamethrowers
-finger claws
-a blood-free decapitation
-the legendary Fred Williamson rolling around in a sateen pirate outfit
-use of a harpoon gun on land
And, oh yes, plenty more.
It’s the type of movie in which a transmitter to the police is called a Gizmo, and “gizmo” is not a generic term.
The film has its own RiffTrax episode – a badge of honor but typically not a medal of cinematic quality.
Still, there’s an unusual artistry to Mr. Castellari’s vision, with online fans showering this offbeat actioner with quirky film love.
You see, Mr. Castellari, like the unofficial American king of B Movies, Roger Corman, had a habit of taking a popular film trend and riding the same wave for bucks.
And like Mr. Corman, audiences say he does it with style.
It’s a trick Castellari pulled many times. He made several spaghetti westerns and also moved on to “macaroni combat” pictures that mirrored popular war films such as his Battle of Britain actioner Eagles Over London or his The Dirty Dozen take, the original The Inglorious Bastards.
The Bronx Warriors was considered a surprise hit, and it spawned its own sort-of trilogy of movies – a direct sequel, Escape from The Bronx, and The New Barbarians.
So half-hearted cash-in or sort-of classic – is 1990: The Bronx Warriors a good movie?
The Plot of 1990: The Bronx Warriors:
In the near future, 17-year-old Ann (Stefania Girolami), heiress of the evil Manhattan Corporation, decides to run away to the lawless land of the Bronx rather than inherit her share of an arms-dealing company.
When she’s attacked by a roller-skating gang called The Zombies, she’s rescued by Trash – and no, not garbage, a young man with a stupid nickname (Mark Gregory) who is the young leader of street gang The Bikers.
As Ann and Trash begin a romance, the Manhattan Corporation hires Hammer (Vic Morrow) to infiltrate The Bronx and capture her.
Meanwhile, Biker Ice (John Loffredo) betrays Trash. He joins lone wolf Hot Dog (Christopher Connelly) in Hammer’s plot against Trash.
Will Trash and Ann defeat their enemies?
The Rest of the Main Cast Includes:
- Fred Williamson as The Ogre
- Elisabetta Dessy as Witch
- George Eastman as Golem
- Rocco Lero as Paul
- Carla Brait as Iron Man Leader
- Enio Girolami as Ted Fisher
- Matt Malinowski as Hair Man
- Enzo G. Castellari as the Vice President
Fun Fact: It’s rumored that members of the famous biker gang the Hells Angels did stunt work for the film
The Good Things:
Surprising Cinematics, +3 Points
The movie is shot somewhat haphazardly.
Shots of bike accidents were left in the film.
The production couldn’t clear locations for shooting, leaving day-to-day New York traffic visible in the background of this supposed future wasteland (you don’t have to look hard to spot it).
And yet there are moments of kickass artistry that will surprise you.
When The Bikers lose two members, there’s an extended Viking funeral. Mimicking those Spaghetti Western roots, the editing flips from close-up to close-up of stern-faced members for dramatic effect.
And it ends with a drawn-out scattering of the ashes by the ocean, each Biker throwing their own bit of fallen brethren all down the line in sequence like a fabled ritual.
But the pick of the movie is the drum solo and trash walking scene.
It’s a little visual roll call for Trash’s gang that goes on longer than you’d expect and as long as you hope.
We start with a drum solo by a random performer down by the ocean (who purposefully or inadvertently is wearing the green shirt and jeans of an Orphan from The Warriors).
As the drummer plays, with their silly plastic-looking skulls blazing at the head of their bikes, Trash and his gang ride to the water’s edge. They discover a fallen member’s body. And rather than howl in anger or despair, everyone stares tough and blankly.
The editing flips from member to member as the camera zooms on faces, tattoos, and a fake arm (and a Swastika or two, which I do NOT endorse).
And soon, the Ogre and his gang, The Tigers, arrive via old coupes to explain the loss. As they stand off against the Bikers, the tension builds.
With hardly a word of dialogue for minutes, it’s a pulpy, visually exciting scene. And set to the kickass metronome of a random man on the beach laying down a groove with his drum set, you gotta dig it.
Due to copyright issues, I can’t link to clips of these segments on YouTube. But if you search for this film there, I bet you can find them posted.
Character Charm Attack, +1 Point
The film’s cast reads like an essay on what not to name your characters. Yet many wrongs make one big right, and it’s a colorful bunch.
There’s Trash, king of The Bikers (who we’ll get to).
Schemer Hot Dog is a lone wolf driving a semi-truck sans trailer around The Bronx, getting gas from who knows where.
Hammer is a psycho mercenary. My theory is he was a former postman thanks to his penchant for mustaches and mail tubes with hidden shotguns.
Fred Williamson, known as “The Hammer” in actual life, plays Ogre. Since this movie is heavily channeling Escape from New York and that film had Isaac Hayes’s Duke, Ogre is this film’s kingpin. He seems as fond of animal prints as the Duke was of chandeliers atop his Cadillac.
And Ogre’s henchwoman is Witch, who dresses like a leather Dominatrix and smacks people with a whip, apparently just like Ogre taught her.
Hilarious Dialogue, +1 Point
I streamed a dubbed version of the film and am unsure if the lines in the dub are translated or rewritten.
But as they are, it’s so-bad-it’s-good dialogue.
When a character makes a stupid decision, he’s told, “You got your gray matter in your butt.”
Trash reprimands Ice with, “You fuck! Look, it could be a pile of shit from somebody’s asshole!”
Even great writers would struggle to compose lines this awfully good.
Grooving Music, +3 Points
Walter Rizatti’s soundtrack, full of funky bass and whomping beats, is the jam for a hike across a semi-dangerous screwball wasteland.
The standout provocative guitar licks kick the mix, and it plunges into deep-felt organ blares for that Viking funeral moment.
Again, due to copyright issues, I couldn’t link to the soundtrack here. But I bet you can find it out on the internet or on a music streaming site, and I double encourage you to give it a listen.
Not THAT kind of Exploitation, +1 Point
The film stays away from the dark side of the low-budget ripoff/exploitation menu.
There are no boob flashes or uncomfortable rapey scenes.
If you’ve watched episodes of RedLetterMedia’s Best of the Worst on YouTube, you know far too many B movies have taken that road.
So here is one bonus point for staying classy.
They Call Him Trash Because He’s Not, +1 Point
Lead actor Mark Gregory is no megastar like Prince. Yet, like The Purple One, he plays Trash with a charismatic, unorthodox grace.
Like an animated Ken doll, he struts about the movie with a strange, overly upright gait.
With his muscular physique and draping curly hair, he looks more like a heartthrob guitarist for a hair metal band than the king of the Bronx Bikers.
Still, his charisma makes him and the film more watchable.
Ballsy Murdertime Ending, +1 Point
**Spoiler Alerts Here**
The film’s ending goes a bit bananas.
Hammer’s rescue operation turns into a massacre as he and a bunch of goons raid Ogre’s palace.
And instead of machine guns, the authoritarian forces on horseback have flamethrowers, which have a nasty habit of burning their victims in the face…to death.
It’s one hell of a way to wreck Ann’s 18th birthday party — a girl Hammer’s supposed to rescue.
And she gets killed in the chaos, you’d think wrecking Hammer’s entire objective.
Yet Hammer laughs like a dictator over the chaos he’s unleashed, declaring nobody will survive.
But Hammer is undone. Grief-stricken Trash finds a harpoon gun, fires it into Hammer, and rides off, dragging his love’s murderer behind his bike like Achilles pulling a fallen Hector behind his chariot.
Like some poignant point pulled out of a bonfire of an ending, Trash rides into the pit of the Bronx, loveless and broken.
The film is too disjointed for this madcap finale to pay off emotionally, but fair play to it for subverting expectations. Whatever ending you had in mind wasn’t a flamethrower death squad rampage.
And yet again, I couldn’t link to a clip of this on YouTube thanks to copyright issues. But I have a feeling someone posted it there.
The Not-as-Good Things:
Weak Costumes, -2 Points
One trick a low-budget film can pull to elevate itself is nailing costume design. You can fight limited funds with quirks audiences will enjoy, opening the door to a potential advantage over films too sophisticated for trashy DIY chic.
But park your optimism. Unfortunately, that creative trick is bungled here.
The Zombies, a roller-skating gang, are like an 80s cover band for an artist you can’t recall.
Ogre’s gang, The Tigers, rides around in old-school coupes for no reason. His second-in-command dresses like a face-painted day vampire, mumbling even in the dub.
The Zombies’ leader, Golem, looks like a rejected design for a Mortal Kombat Ninja.
You wonder if this musical-theater-inspired gang, complete with face paint and sticks, is the film’s poor imitation of The Warriors’s Baseball Furies. Perhaps their finishing move is some twisted iteration of spirit fingers (Bring it On).
Dull Action, -2 Points
The fight scenes are on par with a crappy sword and sorcery film. A dodge here or there, a swing and a hit – none of it is memorable.
It’s not the thrilling stuff that will win you any points, and it never quite delivers on the wild promise of its movie poster.
Take-its-Time Pacing, -4 Points
The film is ponderous. It’s a series of events that, about two-thirds of the way through, finally backs into a plot as Trash has to rescue Ann, teaming up with Ogre to take down Hammer.
Before that, the film meanders through little skirmishes and arguments you question the merits of.
And though sometimes the length of the scenes gives them an otherworldly, enjoyable quality, the rest of the time is wasted air.
Should I Watch 1990: The Bronx Warriors?
Total Arbitrary Points Score: 3 Points
I enjoyed many little touches of 1990: The Bronx Warriors.
Occasionally it dips into some shiny cinematography, and the soundtrack keeps it flowing. Its protagonist will weird charm you. And it ends with a spectacular flaming murder shitshow.
Yet it stumbles through its storytelling. With a sluggish pace, weak action scenes, and lame costumes, you can’t call this low-budget movie magic.
So if you can part with the time to enjoy the film’s little gifts, they’re pretty sparkly.
Otherwise, stick with the film’s cult source material: The Warriors, Escape from New York, and Mad Max 2.
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Disclaimer:
This review’s factual information was gathered through online sources, like Wikipedia, IMDB, or interviews. Misrepresentations and errors are possible but unintentional.
Making art is hard. This is a fan’s blog. Any criticisms are meant to be constructive.
